So I’ve been MIA for a few days now. Keeping up with a blog is harder than I originally thought. Especially when there’s so much out there to experience.
What a difference a week makes. If you haven’t been keeping up, I’ve been lamenting over my inability to get a country cutie to go out on a date with me. Will I finally decided that enough was enough! I put things into perspective and decided that if I really wanted to meet people that I would have to continue to put myself out there and take risks. Sure I might “wink” at a guy and get no response, I may get the ever polite match.com “thanks but no thanks” reply message, but surely there are a few boys out there who want to go out on a date with me. So I threw caution to the wind and put myself back out there again. A little bit of a bruised ego but hey I’m a tough girl.
Well this week I haven’t stopped smiling. I started chatting with a sweet guy, my own age that lives in my area. And I have to say since the very first message it felt like we had been friends forever. I miss that. I think we all love that feeling of butterflies in the pit of your stomach. The anxious anticipation where you hold your breath, waiting for the next message to arrive in your inbox. Nervously wondering if the other person is still there, are they feeling the same way, thinking about how long you should wait before asking them out. So after a few days of back and forth we moved from messaging online to Kik (which until last week I had no idea even existed) instant messaging and graduated to actually sharing cell numbers.
I feel like a teenager again! I had been looking forward to dating again, then got discouraged, and then in an instant I feel like I’ve found a part of me that was lost and forgotten many moons ago. This awkening has been both startling and refreshing. I feel alive for the first time in a long time. I smile. I never smile. I smile. ALL. THE. TIME. I’m giddy. I love this feeling. People around me are beginning to notice the change. I hope it never goes away.
He is sweet, seems genuine, knows instinctively when to message me, and most importantly he makes me laugh. I decided to take the plunge and ask him if he wanted to meet. I was pretty sure he wouldn’t say no. good news – I’m happy to say we met last night for coffee and although I spent the hours leading up to the date being terrified, it was painless. No awkward moments, we both look the same as we do in our pictures, and he still makes me smile. Even better news – we made plans to go out again later this week.
I’m so totally stoked to see where this goes. I’m going in eyes wide open, with no preconceived notions and just letting things go where they may and enjoying the journey. If I take anything away with me it’s knowing that I missed having someone take my breath away and that I missed having the excitement of a romantic connection in my life.
I look forward to the road ahead and hope that I will never forget this part of me that has resurrected itself. I haven’t felt this good since I don’t know when….what once was lost is found again.
Don’t you just hate when you know something in your head but your heart just won’t let you let go? I mean come on the logical voice inside you tells you to face the facts and deep down you know you should be listening but that darned fairytale, happy ending voice from your heart keeps making excuses.
That’s where I am now. The battle of fantasy and reality…..In my head I know that this country cutie I’ve got running through my brain far too often is largely built on my own fantasies and not even close to reality.
The logical part of my being tells me that a guy who texts you once in awhile (maybe once a week) and replies with one word answers to any of your questions, is always busy at the farm, never actually picks up the phone to call you, and broke three planned first dates is not a guy who actually wants to meet or date you!
But alas, you can’t tell your heart what it wants. So the heart builds this little fantasy that the country cutie is just shy – he really does want to meet you, but he really is too shy. The heart tells you he spends just as much time thinking about you as you do him and somewhere down the line you are going to meet and fireworks will ensue, you will fall madly in love with each other and ride off into the sunset ~ happily ever after.
I hate that I smile EVERY single time he sends a text message. Every single time. I’m so not the school girl crush kinda girl and I have no idea why someone I haven’t met has turned me into a bundle of mush inside.
So heart this needs to be the end of the line. The sweet, young, country cutie is mostly a figment of your overactive imagination. Now to figure out how to beat the heart into submission and let the rational side win the fight so I can move on and find someone who actually wants to meet in person.
But what girl doesn’t love a good fairy tale?
So I decided recently that after being separated for over a year that I was good and ready to dip my toe into the online dating pool. I’d spent months rebuilding my life, getting back into the gym, going out with friends and learning to like myself again. I must say I’m a pretty great chick…or so I thought.
I spent hours carefully deciding which dating site to sign up for and then took painstaking efforts to create a profile to showcase my best attributes, uploaded a few pics and voila – let the fun begin. Or not. I was feeling good about myself prior to this little endeavor – I’m not too young or too old to start over, I’m average looking, great job, active, have a great bunch of friends and smart as a whip. Should be a slam dunk right???
Two months later I haven’t been on one date. Not even a bad one. I’ve chatted over email or text with a couple guys and developed a very high school-esque crush on what I thought was a sweet, young country boy. What an eye opener that experience was. So I sit here now with my self-confidence completely deflated wondering WTF is wrong with me? I now question everything about myself. Whoever said it was fun getting back into the dating world has a very warped sense of humour.
I fret more now than I did as a teenage girl just getting to know boys. Geez I never thought I’d be in this position. It has been a lot more painful than I thought it would be. I went into this on-line dating world without a care in the world thinking “Hey I’m a pretty decent catch, I’m sure I will enjoy getting to know new people”.
I’ve decided to take a breather from the whole on-line dating world before I end up curled up in bed with the covers pulled up tight watching The Notebook with a pint of ice cream and a box of tissues.
What an epic fail. The good news is I’m starting to talk myself off the ledge. Stay tuned for more misadventures in moving on…..